My Space

It all starts with a garden. My sister in law has talked about putting in a veggie garden for a while...like when she bought her house 4 years ago. I know I've mentioned this before. Where she is a dreamer, I am more of a do-er. We discuss veggie garden and I go out and buy the plants. She keeps thinking about it, until someone else takes the lead.

A month ago we talked out the logistics. Two 4ft x 6 ft beds. No you don't need 2 foot high beds...that's a LOT of dirt to come up with. I know what veggies I would want to put in...all my usual stuff. Tomatoes, zucchini, lettuce, onions, herbs, all the good stuff! However, being this is my SIL's backyard, I asked what she would want planted. I secretly was very curious because...well, my SIL doesn't really eat vegetables. So, I can only imagine whatever she plants would just be for looks.

I thought we were all figured out. I was just waiting for her to get started on her raised bed project. I mean she has been talking about this for years, now you have help...lets do this! But there was no action.

She's definitely one of those people that will come up with lots of ideas...but there's no follow through. Though she would never admit it, she's the type of person who wants someone with her holding her hand to get things done. Just moving in, we had to push her to get stuff moved, hidden, garage sale-d, donated, etc. We moved in a month later than planed because of lack of motivation. Like I said raised beds have been talked about since she bought this house.

Cut to last week, I had a baby sitter for Friday and no shoots on the books. And as much as I am completely against being an enabler, I had decided to get those beds in! I had planned all week to finally buy the makings. Thursday, I'd buy the lumber. Friday, I'd build and start getting the dirt in. I was excited. I'm dying to get a garden going! There's space and it'd be great for the kid to help...and veggies!

However, I had decided I wasn't going to tell the SIL. I was just going to do it and make it my little project and then she could see it on the weekend when she went outside. I think this was my way of not being an enabler, if it's my project then I'm not doing it for her. Plus, I would be going with what she had planned about as far as size and placement went, so I wouldn't be over stepping any lines.

Just before I headed over to buy the lumber, I decided to ask the mister one last time if he was ok with this. All week, he had seemed cool with it. So, I'm not really sure why I asked. However, now he really seemed hesitant. He thought we should tell her. So, I told him to send her a quick message letting her know that I was buying the stuff.

That's when it all went sideways. Mario was really busy and knew this would start a long line of questioning...and boy did it! I am irritated because I know this is the only way these beds will get in. And the SIL is asking a million questions about types of wood, size and locations and a million other questions. I told him to tell her never mind. That's when I completely lost my mind for an hour.

I'm tired of being in someone else's home, using there stuff, asking for permission, following other people's rules. The only space that is mostly ours is our bedroom and it's hard for two grown adults to live in one small space and work out of that space. So, I know it all boils down to needing my own little space. I need a spot that I can make my own decisions about. I don't want to have to ask what type of plants I can put in. I don't want to be looked at and silently judged on how I am doing something. I just want to put in some goddamn veggies without any problems. I feel so trapped right now.

So, I'm looking for a community garden spot. Of course there are waiting lists for any local gardens. However, the thought of having that spot for myself...is amazing! The thought makes me happy and hopeful. We might be out of here before I get that little plot of land, but I'll still give it a shot! Here's to a little freedom!